Monday, October 22, 2007

To Spank or Not To Spank...?

To spank, or not to spank? This question has been troubling parents for almost fifteen years… Well, before then most parents didn’t even have to think about how to punish their children. If our kids misbehave we spank them, no questions asked. Today, though, this is a huge controversy.

“Did your parents spank you?” I would answer without flinching, “Why yes, they did, and I plan on doing the same when I have kids.”
My response would get me a look of horror and disgust, “Oh my gosh! My parents would never beat me, and I will never lay a hand on my children.” Suddenly my parents and I have become child abusers. Honestly, my parents never spanked me without reason. When I got spanked, I deserved it. The consequences were laid before me, and I chose whether to inflict myself with them or not.
When I would do something at the store that I knew was wrong, I still remember the chill that ran up and down my spine when my mother would say, “That’s one.” That meant one spanking when we got back out to the car. If I misbehaved more than once, the spankings would increase. That is the way I was raised. I knew no different. Now I see how my aunt raises my six-year-old cousin. She says, “If you don’t misbehave I will reward you.” Because of this, my cousin is probably one of the most spoiled six year olds I know. If there is no consequence for doing something wrong and there is only a reward for doing right, this kid figures that he can work the system in his favor by acting rude and obnoxious all day. Then he does something right, and gets a reward.
Pastor Rod Goertzen of Mission Road Bible Church has a saying: “A rule without consequence is merely good advice.” I see this all the time since I work at a video store. I get to see the best and worst of kids and their parents. It’s almost funny to see a kid grabs candy and runs up to mom, “Can we get it mommy!”

“No” mom answers.

“Please!”

“No! You heard me.”

“Come on, please?”

“Maybe next time.”

“Please, just this once?”

“Whatever! Just get it and lets go!”

What did this mother just do? She just gave up any and every bit of authority she ever had. This child now owns her. This child knows that all he needs to do is just keep pleading, and he will get whatever he wants.
In the February 19th 2006 edition of the Columbus Dispatch, Mark Ellis makes this statement: “The hand is the best tool for the job…A biblical reference (Proverbs 13:24) about the use of a rod for discipline is metaphorical.” Well Mark, I wish my parents had taken your interpretation of that verse. They had a paddle, one foot long, with a handle, and it was an inch thick. I actually think they ordered it online. This thing was made out of hickory wood. This was the big daddy of all paddles. The verse Mr. Ellis refers to is Proverbs 13:24. In this verse King Solomon, the third king of Israel and the wisest man to ever live states: “He who spares his rod hates his son, but he who loves him, disciplines him promptly.” –Solomon 807. In those days, 86 B.C. Israel to be exact, the penalty for disobeying your parents was actually to have the child stoned to death. Solomon was giving parents a stern warning to use whatever means necessary, especially a rod, to make sure that the child didn’t disobey in public.

In his eighth edition of the Contemporary Reader, Gary Goshgarian says, “We do have a tendency to base our views on tradition.” –Goshgarian 210. Well he seems to be right about this subject. In 1968, according to the Family Research Laboratory at the University of New Hampshire, 94 percent of parents considered spanking sometimes necessary. That figure dropped to 61 percent by 2004, according to a national survey of commissioned by the Center for Child and Family Studies in San Francisco. But at this rate, families that still implement spanking will be well under ten percent by 2076. Of course, by then, spanking will most likely be illegal.
In life, pain or a form of pain makes you remember what you did wrong. You remember that you have to wait for your coffee to cool down before you can drink it. We all look both ways before we cross the street. Life always gives us these little hints so we don’t make the bigger mistakes.
What are the other options for punishment: “time out!” “go to your room!” “no TV tonight!” “no more video games!” Well, time out is ridiculous because a kid with any imagination at all will sit there and pretend like he’s in a spaceship attacking crazy alien races and saving the galaxy from evil domination! That is how the mind of a child works.
“Go to your room!” if you can’t figure out why this one never works, please do this world a favor and put your kids up for adoption right now. Their room is exactly where they want to go. Number one, they can do just about anything in their room and avoid getting yelled out. And last, every toy they own is in their room. You are sending them into a sanctuary where there are things for them to do.
Taking television and video games from their life for a day or two, will just cause the parent more grief. Now the kid is just hanging around you nagging about getting TV back. And of course, it gives them more time to think of ways to be mischievous. That is entirely what we are trying avoid!
So if you have this problem, “My children are so out of control!! I don't know what to do!” This comic pretty much explains the answer to most of your parenting problems. When you spank your kids, you don’t have to take television away from them, so they will stay out of your hair. They will be more hesitant to disobey you in the future because they will remember the pain they went through. Nobody wants to go through that twice. If you spank, there will be no spaceships involved.
You want your children to fear you. Now, don’t get me wrong, I don’t mean fear in the, “oh my gosh, I’m so scared of you!” kind of way. I’m talking about the second definition of fear:
Extreme reverence or awe, as toward a supreme power. If there is no fear (second def), your kids will never fully obey you. My conclusion is short and sweet: Spank hard, spank often, spank when necessary.

1 comment:

Jeremy Moritz said...

I mostly agree with your analysis about the value of spanking, but i think it is important to use good math to avoid the skepticism of nerds like myself.

You said...
"In 1968 ... 94 percent of parents considered spanking sometimes necessary. That figure dropped to 61 percent by 2004 ... at this rate, families that still implement spanking will be well under ten percent by 2076."

Actually...
94% to 61% is a 35% drop in 36 years (i.e. a drop of 33 percentage points is about 35% less than the original 94% we had in 1968). Extrapolating this "rate" into the future would imply another 35% drop in the next 36 years which would leave us with 40% who spank in 2040. Another 36 years and 35% drop later would give us 26% spankers in 2076 (when spanking is outlawed along with any public use of the word "truth").

Also, I believe that time out, sending to room, taking away video games, etc. are all fine forms of punishment as long as they have some stronger consequence enforcing them. For instance, what would a fine or a parking ticket be if you just didn't pay it and there was no recourse? A time out that is reinforced with the threat of a spanking (if a child rebels and gets up) is the only kind that actually has some teeth to it. Otherwise, your child will test your will at crucial moments, and you'll be left with defeat in the most important battles. Even if you win many others, you'll have lost your ultimate authority. Your "wins" will really just be because your child granted them to you. He knows that if he ever really refused your authority outright, you would be powerless to stop him. Not a good place for a parent... and damaging to a child.

Jeremy Moritz